What makes you happy? What about the future? ...and other hard questions

Sometimes, it's particularly hard to learn a lesson.  Especially when that lesson is to live in the moment and trust that the future will be taken care of.  This is something I grapple with quite often, like, on a day to day basis.  These stressful thoughts often interfere with pleasant day-dreaming, making me quite annoyed with both myself and the universe.  Why can't I just have a crystal ball that will show me the future so I can quit worrying about it?
Recently, I have come to two conclusions about this type of worrying:
#1: remembering past experiences doesn't make me feel better, i.e.: no, I didn't go to my original top choice college, but the one I did end up attending brought me great happiness and truly life-long friends or yes, I moved to another country without an apartment but everything did work out and I am living in a lovely flat in my favorite neighborhood in all of London.
#2: when friends and family worry about their future, I tend to find it baffling that they are so concerned.  A friend who is finishing graduate school soon emailed me in a panic that she did not have a job lined up immediately.  I found it hard to comprehend her extreme worry--of COURSE she would find a job eventually, she is more than qualified and will be wonderful at her profession.  And furthermore, she does not need to find a career job immediately, it is perfectly acceptable to spend a few months looking.

However, after talking to her, I was thinking about how, if I was in the same situation, I would most likely be reacting in a similar way.  Which got me to thinking: why do we not trust ourselves?  Why is it so easy to clearly see that others will be okay, yet so hard for us to imagine our own success and happiness?  Are we too hard on ourselves?

This year I am living in a fascinating city, learning extremely interesting things, being exposed to an entirely new culture...yet more than often I find myself in panic...what next??  What will I do in the future? Where will I be in the future? Who will I be in the future?

Recently, I heard something so simple, yet so meaningful that gave me a new perspective to look at these questions.  A friend who I often consult with when I am in this state of panic asked me recently: "what makes you happy?"..Such a simple question took me aback and I was speechless.  He repeated it again: "what makes you happy?"  My answer, simple but true, was "people.  friends and family,  being around good people."  "Okay", he said, "then concentrate on that.  Don't worry about everything else."

This got me to thinking: Without family and friends, it wouldn't matter what I did in the future, where I was in the future or even who I was.  Maybe, in times of worry, I should reflect a little more on those people that I most happy with, the people that make me who I am and who I will be and stop worrying so much about a future that they know will be taken care of.        

Easier said than done, right?  Of course I am going to continue to worry; today, tomorrow and the day after that.  But maybe if I continue to remind myself of the simple thing that brings me the most happiest in the world, I will stop caring so much about the rest of it.  Difficult, yes, but worth it? I think so.

And of course, I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time, which I believe to be perfectly fitting for this topic:


"You are a child of the universe.  No less than the trees and the stars you have a right to be here.  And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."- Max Ehrmann

The Beginning

Well, here I am.
     7 months after I sat on lovely L's bed and we made the decision to join the blogging bandwagon together, I am finally writing my first post (while L has been blissfully blogging away for 7 months).  Let me share a  bit about me.  I am 24 and currently living in London, England where I am a graduate student.  My blog name is how I currently would best describe myself--since my senior year of college, I have lived in Nashville, Tennessee; Boston, Massachusetts; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; and now, London, England.  While I love these cities dearly and am eternally grateful for the opportunities that I have had to experience different places and cultures, I am starting to feel a bit..nomadic.  For instance, I rushed to the store this weekend to look for a birthday card for a friend and had two immediate thoughts: 1) I don't know where to go to get greeting cards (I wish I did) and 2) Wouldn't it be nice to have a collection of  cards that I could add to when I found ones that I liked and pick and choose from when I wanted to send a card?
     It's not like there is anything wrong with the process of getting to know a new city--it actually is quite exciting and rewarding-- a new friend and I recently coined a small cafe our "breakfast spot" and it brought me one step closer to being at home-- but  when you've resettled for the third time in three years, it can get a little tedious and, as a result, I have started to yearn for consistency and dream about "settling" somewhere and "nesting".

However, here I am, in London, England, and as I try to remind myself, this is an AMAZING journey and five years down the line, when I am "settled" and "nested" I will surely look back and say, why was I so eager to shelve this adventure!?

So this is going to be my working testimony to:
1) documenting experiences
2) being thankful for excitement and happiness but also being thankful for hardships and disappointment, for these experiences shape us as well
3) reflecting on the past, enjoying the present and looking forward to the future:)

Lastly, I will leave you with some words(not my own) that encourage and inspire me:

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”--Marcel Pagnol