I have been thinking a lot recently about the word "productivity" and how often I use it, hear it, think about it, feel guilty or proud regarding it. I feel as if productivity has become a way to measure my value for the day. And this is just speculation, but I don't think I'm alone in this boat. Common responses when asking friends how there days were are "oh I had a great day...I was so productive!" or "...oh I was so unproductive, but that was because ....( insert excuse here such as : I wasn't feeling well, I was super tired, I had SUCH a busy week)". These are responses that I hear myself saying over and over as well. And I've been thinking about why we feel the need to constantly be productive. Why we measure our value by the amount we "produce". And why we feel the need to make excuses when we have days that aren't productive, days that we don't write a paper, send 25 emails, do all of our laundry, grocery shop, pay our bills, etc. etc.
I'm not sure exactly what we can attribute this to. Culture? Generation? Age? Sometimes I think we live in the era of hyperactivity and mid-twenties are at the core of it. If we're not simultaneously texting, bbming, ichatting, tweeting, reading the news, emailing, brainstorming for our next paper topic (or for our next project at work), making plans to meet friends, making a mental to-do list, AND writing a grocery list we think we're being lazy.
This made me think about a part of a book I read a few years ago, Eat Love, Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert. In the book, she spends a year living in three different countries. It is a wonderful book about adventure, self-discovery and growth. I would highly recommend it to any mid-twenties girl, nomadic or not. But the part of the book that I was reminded of when thinking about hyperactivity is the section when she is living in Italy. She writes about how, when learning Italian, she discovered a word that meant something like to "just be". She says that she realized there was no equivalent word in English. That part of the book has stuck with me in the three years since I've read it and I've thought about it a lot. There are things I do to relax. I watch a movie, or I take a nap or I get coffee with friends or I go for a walk. But there is nothing that I do to "just be" where I am not achieving anything--where I am not actively participating in some activity.
So I thought I'd try that today. I was going into the library to pick up some books this morning and I was struck with what a beautiful morning it was. So instead of going straight to the library, I got a coffee and sat down on a bench in a promenade. I put my phone in my bag and just sat in the sun. I didn't think about what I was doing that day, or what books I was going to get at the library, or anything else. I sat in the sun, drank some coffee and let thoughts come in and out of my mind. I sat there for about 45 minutes and didn't produce anything--I didn't accomplish any tasks, I didn't write any mental to-do lists or think of paper topics or make up schedules. I just was.
I'm still not any closer to understanding why we feel the need to constantly be productive or to make excuses to ourselves and others why we are not. But today, I let myself just be for a full 45 minutes and I don't feel guilty about it one bit. I feel wonderful.
